I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
