I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
