p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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