I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I love having hate sex.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
