Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
