Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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