Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
