I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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