Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
