They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
