So drunk its hurt
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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