You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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