I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
