I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
