So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
