I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
