Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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