I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize