Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
