Three words: puerto rican gang bang
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
