I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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