i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
