I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
