WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I wear drunk well.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize