every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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