I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i love accidental penises.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
