Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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