it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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