i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize