the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
