I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
this just has baby written all over it
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
