GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
