I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
my poor anus
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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