My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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