There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
