This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
