Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
