I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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