i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Are my feet made of real feet?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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