if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
