halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
