For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Come share oat with me in your robe
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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