I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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