this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
