Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
