I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
