so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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