i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
