hell yes lets make some ravioli
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize
