at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
