Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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