So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
