he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
