he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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