she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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