last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
