He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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