I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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