My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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