He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
