Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
So apparently I’m into choking now
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