Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
