I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
