TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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