he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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