Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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